Old Spice: An Explosive Success

         Old Spice made an explosive entry into the marketing world last year when the company introduced a new ad campaign featuring bare-chested manly-man Isaiah Mustafa, aka “The Old Spice Guy.” The ads went viral; the company’s image was instantly given a hip, funny revamp; and the use of Old Spice coupons skyrocketed.

         But as it turns out, Old Spice has always made headlines – just not always on their own terms. I was recently cleaning out my grandma’s basement when I found, in an old issue of the Boston Globe (July 1968 to be exact – the basement cleaning I did was looooong overdue), a story about a guy who tried to hijack a plane by claiming that he had a grenade in his hand. The hijacker waved a fake gun around, demanded to be flown to Cuba, and then pulled out his “grenade” to scare the plane’s 64 passengers into compliance —but that grenade turned out to be a bottle of Old Spice cologne, and the hijacking was ultimately unsuccessful – though the story successfully reached the pages of newspapers across the country.

         I know Old Spice is powerful stuff, but it’s not powerful enough to do what that crazy hijacker wanted it to do! You can’t use Old Spice coupons to induce terror, thank goodness – you can only use it to smell great. 

Seinfeld Loves Cereal Too Much To Return to TV

        

     Jerry Seinfeld will never do another television show because he likes using Cheerios coupons too much. That might be oversimplifying the situation a bit, but according to the man himself, eating cereal is one of the things he loves, and that thing would be disrupted too much if he were to produce/star in another sitcom.

         Jerry, no longer the bachelor he played on the hit 90s sitcom that bears his name, now has three kids and he recently told a crowd at one of his live shows that his morning ritual of pouring four bowls of cereal – one for him, and one for each of his kids – is one of those things he really appreciates and is unwilling to sacrifice.

         Besides, the 57-year-old says that another show is unnecessary because “I’m old, I’m rich and I’m tired.” Seinfeld’s new life – the kids and the fact that he’s been married for 12 years now – might provide plenty of new material if he were to do another sitcom. It already provides the material for Jerry’s standup act. 

         “A lot of wives complain about their husband not listening,” Seinfeld said to the crowd of his latest sold-out performance. “I have never heard my wife say that.”

         The comedian also continues to find humor in the world as he observes it – Cialis commercials, Pop Tarts, standing ovations, and 5 Hour Energy (“meth-lab Hawaiian Punch jello shots”) were also punch lines at the show.

         But Seinfeld also assured his audience that as long as the world continues to be weird – presumably, forever – even all the Cheerios coupons in the world won’t stop him from asking questions, making comments, and telling jokes. It’s nice to know that some things never change!

A Doggone Good Summer Read

            

           Calling all pooch-loving, Pedigree-coupons-using bookworms: I have a summer reading suggestion for you. It’ll require a bit more brainpower than your usual beach book, but it’s also expand your mind a lot more so I think it’s well worth the extra work.

            The book was written by John Bradshaw, director of the Anthrozoology Institute at the University of Britstol. He’s studied the behavior fo dogs and their owners for more than 25 years, and he definitely knows his stuff. The book is called In Defence of Dogs and it’s basically composed of Bradshaw’s life’s work, redrafted for the common reader.

            This isn’t the kind of lovely-dovey dog memoir like My Dog Tulip or Marley and Me, it’s definitely a research-based book. It’s full of conversations starting facts you probably never knew and will give you a whole new appreciation for your best friend.

            For example,  did you know that dogs share 99.96 percent of their genes with wolves but are not descended from some world that came in from the cold to hang out with a cave man? Dogs and wolves ahd a common ancestor way back when, but the fossils of that animal are something of a missing link. Bradshaw goes on to talk about dog learning styles and behaviors at different life stages, which is sure to make you think differently about your pet the next time you use Pedigree coupons. Yeah, it’s kind of a thick book – but you’ll look awfully smart reading it, and you’ll feel awfully smart when you’re done. 

At The (Wiener Dog) Races

          

          At the Kentucky derby, gents in suits and ladies in fancy hats drink Mint Juleps and bet on fast-running horses with funny names. At the wiener dog derby, loving owners try to encourage heir funny looking dogs to run fast. It costs more than a million dollars to raise and train a horse for the Kentucky Derby, it takes only Eukanuba coupons and the enticement of treats to prepare a wiener dog for the wiener dog derby. The Kentucky Derby happens just once a year in Louisville, Kentucky. Weiner dog derbys, you may or may not know, are happening multiple times a year all over the country.

         Probably because a wiener dog derby is a wonderfully whimsical spectator sport that seems so wrong it’s right. The long-and-low wiener dog does not seem built for speed like their lean and lithe greyhound counterparts, but it is cute when it tries. Weiner dog derbies are held on racetracks and any dachshund who wants to dash can participate. You’ve got to see this video from a recent round of wiener races – it’s adorable! The dogs seem to get kind of distracted by eachother, and some of them wanted off course to sniff things and never cross the finish line – but other are swifter than you’d think. You can look for wiener dog races in your area online – there’s usually a small entry fee but there are prizes for the winners. While you’re on the web, don’t miss out on these Eukanuba coupons – you’ll need to fuel up your little friend if he’s going to zoom to glory! 

Cali Paper Celebrates Extraordinary Pets

I read a lot of celebrity profiles in magazines, but none are as memorable as the adorable Pet Profile I came across online the other day. It’s out of a local online newspaper in Newark, CA, where every week they celebrate a different begin strips loving, tail-wagging, slightly-slobbery best friend. I wish my paper at home did this! My dog would definitely get his 15 minutes of fame.

         Anyway, the profile I read was especially amazing because it was about a border collie mix named Press who is totally blind! Press owners adopted him when he was just three years old, and in the eleven years they’ve been family, Press’s parents have been amazed by how mobile he is. He even roams around the neighborhood and uses his sense of smell to get home! According to the pet profile, Press’ favorite activities are lounging on the sofa “like an old man,” barking at random sounds, and sleeping underneath beds. His favorite toys are golf balls and his favorite treats are begin strips and taco meat mixed with watermelon (ew?). My dog may not be that quirky, but he’s definitely photogenic so he’d look good in his portrait! If you line in the Newark area and have an interesting pet you’d like to see in the paper, e-mail nika.megino@patch.com.

Deodorant Thieves Strike FL Winn-Dixie

        Two apparently malodorous criminals are on the lam, but these fugitives from justice could have avoided the life of crime all together if they had just used deodorant coupons! It’s not everyday that hygiene products are the aim of a heist, but that was the case in Florida last week, where two women shoplifted 75 (yep, seventy five!) sticks of deodorant from a grocery store last week. Police are currently on the case.

         The sticks were taken from A Winn-Dixie store in Ft. Pierce Monday afternoon, and the duo of deodorant thieves were caught in the act by security cameras that show the women stuffing a purse in a shopping cart with deodorants as they shopped. The ballsy gals waltzed out of the store and came back in with another empty purse and repeated the technique. The total amount of merchandise stolen by these thieves amounted to hundreds of dollars worth of Gilette and Secret deodorants.         

         f you know anything which might aid police in the apprehension of these criminals, call the Palm Beach County Crime Stoppers at 1-800-273-tips. And kids, don’t get sucked into the sinister criminal underworld of deodorant theft – if you have deodorant coupons, it’ll be practically free anyway! 

Tasty, Easy-to-Make Sprite Chicken

Cooking can be really fun, but after a long day, it can also be really annoying. You don’t have to resign yourself to eating Spaghettios out of the can after your boss made you stay late and there’s no time to put dinner on the table (that just adds insult to injury) – just grab some sprite coupons and whip up this piece-of-cake recipe for Chicken in Sprite (trust me, it’s fantastic) courtesy of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

RECIPE

4-5 pieces of chicken (drumsticks are good)

1/2 can of sprite (NOT diet. That won’t be delicious)

1/2 cup cranberry juice

1 small can pineapple slices

6 fresh dates, halved

6 pieces dried peaches or apricots (optional)

1 tablespoon cornstarch

½ cup cashews

DIRECTIONS

Mix everything but the chicken together in a large bowl. Just throw it in there and stir it around for a sec (I promised you this recipe was easy, remember?). Put the mixture in a Ziploc bag, then put the chicken pieces in the bag with the marinade. Let it sit for half an hour while you take a shower or enjoy a glass of wine or whatever. Remove the chicken from the bag, place it in a baking pan and cook at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. The dish goes great with noodles or a green salad. Whoever thought Sprite coupons could be such a tasty dinner solution?